Digital Slang Decoder Pillows

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

Information vs. confusion

Developing links within business.

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

Translating Contractor to English

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"The Company has drawn a line under me and moved on."

DNA explained.

English Pointers giving pointers.

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

Gin-etic Engineering

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

"Does anyone have any questions? Don't be shy...anyone? Come on folks!"

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Before graduating, students at Flegburn High were required to read their diplomas out loud.

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"Try verbalizing it."