Dinner Disaster Artist T-Shirts

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"Are you still waiting for the pancake to come down?"

'Is it still edible?'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

"The fire department ruined dinner."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

'How was the snapper, sir?'

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

"Dinner isn't ready yet. I haven't heard the smoke alarm go off."

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"

"It's a tad undercooked."

"How is everything?"