Dining Disaster Comedian T-Shirts

"Not here,sir - I suggest you try the church next door."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"You folks like a little something?"

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'