Dining Table Guru T-Shirts

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"How's the salmon?"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

Happy hour.

"Carpe pizza"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"I'm unable to process this image."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"