Dining Out Guru T-Shirts

'Good choice of wine...there's a 400 per cent mark up on it.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

Today's special... donuts.

"Rump roast?"

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"