Dining Table Guru Pillows

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"How's the salmon?"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Carpe pizza"

"I'm unable to process this image."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Happy hour.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"I put an app on your phone that punches you in the face every time you eat junk food. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'