Dining Regulations Fan Gifts

Skeleton staff. No food to be consumed on these premises.

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"What did Jesus order?"

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

"How about a little more coffee?"

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"I'm told the omelettes here have a broader purpose."

'I told you not to order the stake.'

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

"We think it sort of brightens up the breakfast."

'The waitress gave us a weird look. On the way back, I'd better drive and you can stick your head out the window.'

"Bring me a bottle of chardonnay and one long straw."

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

'Red meat is bad for you.' 'No, red meat is not bad for me. Green meat is bad for me!'

"Hey, Merle, table 8 wants ham and eggs. . . Errr. . . chocolate!"

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'The good news is we can still get abortions.'

Reality TV dinners.

Diner. We'll have a hamburger and a veggie burger, please. Two burgers -- One regular and one de-calf.

"Relax, everybody. It's no one we knew."

"Why do I always get stuck at the Kids' Round Table?"

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'

'I'll have a dozen custard pies as well, please!'

"I don't want any pie, so can I get Ice Cream A La Mode!"

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

'You said 'chew your liver'. You didn't say anything about swallowing it.'

"Night, owl!"