Dining Experience Fan Gifts

"Hi, I'm Todd and I'll be your centerpiece tonight."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Is the MSG local?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

"You and your daft inventions."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'You don't have to drive around. We bring the food to your table.'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."

Saying Grace.