Dining Raconteur T-Shirts

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"House red, sir?"

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

Road Kill Cafe.

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

Chick in noodle soup.

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"What will change my life?"

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"