Dining Documentarian T-Shirts

"Is there something wrong with your food?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Kirsten Johnson

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Mine was stone cold.'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'