Dining Documentarian Mugs

"Is there something wrong with your food?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Kirsten Johnson

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Don't tell him anything."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Mine was stone cold.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."