Dining Experience Documenter Mugs

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Is the MSG local?"

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Platter confusion.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

I'm not going to send over my manager just because there's a fly in your soup. What about sending over the fly's manager.

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Don't tell him anything."

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

Odd Spas

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

'Soufle, can I have the blueprint?.'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"