Dining Dramatist T-Shirts

"And don't try to pull the old 'good wine steward, bad wine steward' routine."

"What will change my life?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

Because you move your lips when you read, I think I have some idea of what you're going to have. Menu.

Waiter, I'd like to speak to you not as a disgruntled soup customer, but as the fly's attorney.

"We'd like a table overlooking two chairs"

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

'Oh,dear- I do believe your wife's just walked in!'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"How was the food sir?"