Dining Out Dramatist T-Shirts

"The doggie bag, Martha! Spit it out in the doggie bag!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'After you with the camouflage.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"How's everything?"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'