Dining Out Dramatist T-Shirts

"The doggie bag, Martha! Spit it out in the doggie bag!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

"What will change my life?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"How's everything?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'