Dine-and-dash Dramatist T-Shirts

"Perhaps, someday, we can share the same table."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

The Perfect Foil

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"What will change my life?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

"... Have you passed?... Well, just let me move these five traffic violation tickets that you picked up, out of the way and I'll check your score."

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."