Dine And Dash Artists T-Shirts

'Is that an I.O.U.?'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

The Perfect Foil

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

I don

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"What will change my life?"

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

'Here comes the bill.'

My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.