Dining Out With A Twist Fan Pillows

'I'll take the rest home in a body bag.'

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"What did Jesus order?"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

"How about a little more coffee?"

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

Sand danger

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

"I'm told the omelettes here have a broader purpose."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"We think it sort of brightens up the breakfast."

"I trust this will be on one check."

What brings you to Canada? None of your beeswax. Border. Business, pleasure, asylum or melodrama? Huh? Our newest category. Donald Trump eats kittens! Ashton Kutcher. Melodrama, next!

"Bring me a bottle of chardonnay and one long straw."

'Red meat is bad for you.' 'No, red meat is not bad for me. Green meat is bad for me!'

Earthworm Stampede

Diner. We'll have a hamburger and a veggie burger, please. Two burgers -- One regular and one de-calf.

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"I asked you nicely to stay in the waiting room."

"Hey, Merle, table 8 wants ham and eggs. . . Errr. . . chocolate!"

OPENING NIGHT OF HARVEY'S CANOE RESTAURANT WAS A HUGE SUCCESS...DESPITE THE CAPSIZE INCIDENT

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'

"Night, owl!"

I can never remember which goes better with fish, red blood cells or white.

'I'll have a dozen custard pies as well, please!'