Restaurant-goer With A Twist Pillows

Swine List

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

I love Cannelloni

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Shall I let them breathe."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'You want to see a list of ingredients? -- Are you trying to make trouble?'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Your fish ... I'm sorry, but there will be a slight delay."

Executive Tacos