Dining Dilemmas Gifts

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'You're cute when you blow your cool.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Woman finds something in her soup.

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."

Members of the legal fraternity at their favourite Chinese restaurant: So Su Me.

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"Say when!"

"I'll have what she's having when she decides what she's having."

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

'Do you mind leaving a tip before I wait on you so I can determine my service level for this table?'

This fly is doing the backstroke

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

'Smoking section or screaming child section?'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"I have a food question."

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"So, order in or go out?"

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

"You're sexy when you're wrong."

"He'll have the meat loaf"