Dining Dilemma Fan Gifts

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

"What did Jesus order?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

"Captain, this Brie is totally out of control!"

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

"I don't want any pie, so can I get Ice Cream A La Mode!"

'How was the snapper, sir?'

Advent fridge

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

"So, order in or go out?"

"No, I can't come out tonight, Darren. I'm washing my hair."

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

"Every time you want to eat a waiter, you can't find one."