Dining Dilemma Fan Gifts

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

"What did Jesus order?"

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Woman finds something in her soup.

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'I told you not to order the stake.'

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

"Bring me a bottle of chardonnay and one long straw."

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

"Captain, this Brie is totally out of control!"

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

This fly is doing the backstroke

"I don't want any pie, so can I get Ice Cream A La Mode!"

'How was the snapper, sir?'

Advent fridge

'You did ask for the wine steward - now grovel, man, grovel!'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

"So, order in or go out?"

"No, I can't come out tonight, Darren. I'm washing my hair."

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'