Dining Decorum Pillows

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"What a slobster."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

I'll have a hamburger.

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"They're slowly adapting to the open-office concept."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Smoking section, please.'

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'It's ‘Enjoy your meal, SIR,' not ‘Get that down yer neck, Cock'!'