Dining Critics Pillows

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Your lobster was off!

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'It's my favorite.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Expense account or regular?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Your meal sounded nice."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Would you like to see the markup?"