Dining Advocate T-Shirts

"This wild rice tastes tame."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.