Dining Advocate T-Shirts

"This wild rice tastes tame."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"You and your daft inventions."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign