Diner Fanatic Gifts

'Would you like to upsize that with a burger and drink?'

"No mustard for YOU - Last time, you got it all over your shirt!"

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

"Excuse me, but I ordered the 'cage-free' eggs!"

Counting ribs

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Diner

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.