Diner Fanatic Gifts

'Would you like to upsize that with a burger and drink?'

"No mustard for YOU - Last time, you got it all over your shirt!"

Milly's Home-Style Restaurant

"Excuse me, but I ordered the 'cage-free' eggs!"

Counting ribs

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Diner

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'