Digital Tools Gifts

'Technology has helped us get rid of all the administrative red tape - now the mess is all digital.'

Body weight app on mobile

A Swiss Army Knife mystified by a smartphone. How do keep adding tools without bulking up?!

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

"I've gone paperless! Check your laptop!"

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

The Computer Bore

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

"Miss Rogers told me I have a personal 'cloud' to store knowledge in."

Likes: $2.

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Real Life/Surreal Life

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

"Pokemon...Pokemon...Pokemon...."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"