Digital Professional Pillows

"Oh, I'm okay. This is just my resting zoom face."

Trial by Media

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Gay Times...

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

Local News in Heaven

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Reporter #6: television.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"Ya, right. Who needs a web presence. I'll just compete in the global economy from here."

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

"His first word was 'Dotcom'."