Digital Monks Pillows

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

Moses on the web

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"I have an app for that."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'I wish Brother Gregory would spend less time surfing the 'net.''

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'Does it come on Disc?'

Go on! Pick a card.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'My nephew Richie can download all your work from the internet for free. You are all fired.'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

You Have 1 New Messages

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."