Digital Dissenter Pillows

Thanks for not tweeting me. I don't give a hoot what you're doing right now.

'He's a rebel without a cause.'

"Stinkin' fake news!"

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

The Proust of Twitter

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

"I virtually finished my homework."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

Assange Among Friends

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

The First Asshole

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"I'm getting old. . . I only got 17 hate comments!"

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need