Digital Diarists Gifts

Collected works

"She's started instagramming solid food."

Hey wannabe Steve Jobs, get me a coffee. In a sec. What? I'm live blogging my job. I'm writing a moment-by-moment account of the day and uploading it in real time to the web. Preparing for a massacre. Charming customer.

'Write all the angry clogs you want - you still have to eat your green beans.'

'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will rip out my entrails and dance on my grave.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'Sorry, but we're not compatible, Jim. You keep a diary, and I blog on the Internet.'

Today's love

Professional woman in pub

'I got caught in a blogstorm.'

How do I love me? Let me count the ways. Ok. You have 18,523 selfies.

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

Online Dating for Dummies

"What was the point of writing a blog that nobody else could read?"

"You new personality that you downloaded off the Internet makes you irresistible."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"Wh@_I_Did_During_My_Whole_Summer_Vacation."

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Sponge Blog

"It started out as the Great American Novel. Then The Great American Screenplay. . . Short Story. . . Blog Post. . . And now I've got it edited down to a Tweet."

'Hurry up, I'm dying to use the blog'

"Love me, Tinder; love me, do. . ."

Beware of the Blog.

'We were matched by computer.'

Snake Blogging,

"Of course I try to communicate with him - I update my blog almost daily."

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

I can't decide if I want my blog to be G-rated or X-rated. On the one hand, "blog" is just a four-letter word. But on the other hand, cleanliness is next to blogginess. ?

"I'm doing a think piece on me."

'Dear Diary, well, you never know. Today I led the stampede. Imagine my surprise when I found myself out there in front, all alone. Dreams to still come true...sometimes.'