Digital Assistant User Pillows

"Hey google, find me research that says sugar is good for you."

Two Generations of Readers

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"Alexa sort this s**t out!"

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"I'll have my people zoom your people."

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

"How do I turn Alexa off?"

'Of course working in a 'Virtual Firm' does have it's drawbacks...'

Don Z. And His User-Friendly Apartment

"Alexa and Siri both say I've been good."

Dead Workaholic

"Sorry. I now only identify as Alex."

"I'm strictly yes or no. Alexa and Siri deal with facts. Value judgements we leave to your mother."

"Alexa. . . why do I have this feeling that I'm under almost constant surveillance?"

"Too much information."

"I changed the voice on my smart phone to a cranky old man. So now when I have a question, I can just ask Surly."

"Alexa, ask Siri to look up something for me."

"I'd like a second opinion, preferably from a woman."

"That's not the pepper grinder. That's Alexa."

Rudolph vents. . . .

Alexa, Alexa, on the shelf, am I still the hottest MILF?

"I can't talk now, Siri. . . Alexa is right here in the room!"

It was cute when my digital assistant played "Bye Bye Birdie" after I asked for help with a pesky bird. But it was just snarky playing the theme from "Mission: Impossible" when I asked for guidance on reducing my debt.

"Shall I google how long it takes for acid to wear off?"

"Siri, clean up all the Christmas decorations."

"I love this device! Not only does it answer questions, it also works out for me."

"Alexa, you have all the answers, where the devil did I put you?"

"Nope, not under the cushion. Siri, where else do you think my remote could be?"

"Winslow's computer must be down again."

"Alexa, give me the meaning of life..."

God uses a corkscrew on a volcano.