Digestive Defender Gifts

You really need more fiber in your diet, Bob.

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

Fighting the Zika Virus

Boy defends his last fry.

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

Ebola reaches USA.

Fish with Shield

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Uh-oh, They're evolving!

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

IRS Taking Candy From A Baby

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

My first pro bono case.

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

Castle Cat Flap

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

Only very few of the lumbering giants relied on speed...

Lactose is Good. Lactose intolerance isn't something you protest against, Ernie.

'What I really hate is preventive medicine. The go after us before we even do anything.'