Digestive Defender Pillows

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Fighting the Zika Virus

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

Dog being carried off by ducks.

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Prune Eating Contest: Last Man Standing.

Fish with Shield

Ebola reaches USA.

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

IRS Taking Candy From A Baby

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

Castle Cat Flap

Only very few of the lumbering giants relied on speed...

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

My first pro bono case.

'What I really hate is preventive medicine. The go after us before we even do anything.'

"I don't really hate vegetables...but they're my last line of defense before liver and onions."