Dietitian In Denial Gifts

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Chez Nous Menu

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Two vegans, please."

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Let's skip to dessert

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'