Dieting Survivor Gifts

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't what they used to be."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'I've got a problem.'

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'None for me...I'm trying to eat healthy.'

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'

Obesity problems in the UK.

Healthy Eating Fast

I lost 10 pounds during that last thaw...but it was all water weight.

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'