Diet Quitter Gifts

'I hear you quit your modeling career.' 'Yes --I got tired of life in the Slim-Fast lane.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Vegetarian Birds

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

'Hello, yes, I'd like to order 200 packs of the sweets you can eat between meals.'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'

'None for me...I'm trying to eat healthy.'

'I've got a problem.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Obesity problems in the UK.

Healthy Eating Fast

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'