Dieting Realist Pillows

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Life gave me lemons so I made lemonade...which made me gain weight!'

'Some have abs of steel, I have fat of steel!'

'A 14-day diet? -- don't you have one with weekends off?'

''Usually drunk with pizza.' Hey, so am I!'

'It's middle age spread.' 'I can't believe I'm not thinner.'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"Biscuits, chocolate cake, cream donuts...Oh...I nearly forgot my slimming magazine."

Instagram!!!

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.