Dieting Escapist Pillows

BUS, 'I never have to take Muriel out to dinner any more -- I got a remote tuner for the bathroom scales.'

Diet Tip No. 14325: Take Time to enjoy your food

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Bo're'droom

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'Yes, John's here, but he can't come to the phone at the moment. He's had a hard day so he's taking some time in his bouncy saucer.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Motivation to Keep Fit.

Easy chair exercise machines

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

"I just did a huge one in my diaper."

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

Great excuses No 964 'I was on my way to the gym when I was abducted by alliens from the planet Sanrg who took me to their ship and force fed me choc-chip ice cream.'

"Why have you brought me here?"