Dietary Preference Defender Pillows

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"First, do no ham."

Diet Cud

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'The vegetarians are the smug-looking ones...'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

"Try to get more exercise."

"The feeding of the fad thousand"

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.