Dietary Ironist Gifts

"Do you have anything that looks vegan, but is made from meat?"

"A varied and well-balanced diet is vital to healthy and stress-free living�"

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

Dieting Motivation.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

Body by Jake

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"I do diet...between snacks."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Doctor to pig: 'You've been pigging out on pan pizzas, eh? I'm taking you off square meals.'

"Buy them - and never look back."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

Diet Cud