Dietary Clown Gifts

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

'The customer is always right...'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

"More helium."

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

Mixing Business and Pleasure

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

Fast food trap.

Clown doing curl with barbell has springing ball emerge from bicep.