Dietary Juggler Gifts

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

To do before Saturday...

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

The Inexperienced Cook

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"I love when you make asparagus soup!"

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'No, that is not a balanced diet.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'It looks like you need to eat a more balanced diet!'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

Funky Chef 1

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"That's what I like about you, Abrams, you don't let a little illness keep you off the job."

"I'm taking you off 3 of the 4 basic food groups."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'Only 10 hours to go.'

Opening Of The Summer Games

'I eat plenty of fast food, but I just seem to be getting slower and slower!'

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"I'm off early, hoping to spend a quiet evening with the kids."

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

"It's glutton-free."

Candies and diet pills

'Ol' Zeke across the mountain's been stealing all my business with his new low-carb moonshine!'