Caloric Juggler Gifts

Candies and diet pills

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

To do before Saturday...

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"No, it's no mistake. There is no out."

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

You have reached the end of your brain...

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"Time to do it in!"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

"You should be grateful your hours are such that you're able to work 3 jobs."

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who?