Diet Parody Appreciator Pillows

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

At little Jessica's tea party, nobody ate a bite, claiming they were stuffed

"What!! I get hungry standing around all day."

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

Toblerone - Toblertwo.

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

'Hey! I've lost two stone!'

"Just because that last guy you ate was a vegan, you can't say you're on a vegan diet!"

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."