Dietary Humor Appreciator Pillows

"If it's worth anything, I just choked to death in a vegan joint."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'The customer is always right...'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'