Diet Culture Observer Pillows

Slimming salon owner with 'stout' and 'thin' boxes on desk

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

Obesity Report

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"Ready to head back?"

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

'How is the detox going?'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'