Diet Culture Analyst Pillows

'you're lucky I'm on a low carb diet, Jack or I'd be grinding your bones to make my bread.'

All Natural Nothing

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Sawdust.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'He wanted to know if anyone had ever brought out a keep-fat video.'

Diet Cud

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

"First, finish that genetically modified asparagus. Then you can have ice cream full of bovine growth hormone."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

Vicar overcharged at butchers, but too embarrassed to complain

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."