Diet Cheaters Pillows

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Critisize your weight.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"I'm a monster."

'Diet considerations.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Attack of the 'health' foods

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Sawdust.

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'