Diabetic Counselor Gifts

'I haven't been checking my glucose levels regularly because I'm afraid of needles.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

". . . We're being sucked into the UK national debt!"

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Third World debt interest repayments/ charity aid

Hand puppet company boss uses puppet to tell employee: 'You're fired!'

Kicking The Habit

Warring parents

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

'Of course I have unpaid loans, what other kind is there?'