Devilishly Funny Types Gifts

"It was owned by a little old lady who only drove it ... no wait, that won't work."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Going Down?

"Any references?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Meowlzebub

Demonic Repossession.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Hellbillies.

Bat out of Hell

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

Gas Bill

Heaven and Hell

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'You were supposed to place it in a cool spot, sir.'

A Heated Argument

The Neighbours from Hell....

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

The lessor of two evils.

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'