Devilishly Funny Ordinance Lover Gifts

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Look! No hands!"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

Safety Barriers

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"I'll have dessert first."

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

Healthy Eating Casualties

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."